quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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