While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
