i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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