im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just found puke in my bra..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
