At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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