I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
