if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
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he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
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I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
When are your genitals available?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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