i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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