It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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