I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
