I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
