Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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