If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
