I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So much Jack, so little girl.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize