She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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