no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
