I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
