No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
