i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
