You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
