My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
