Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You are a genius and a whore.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize