Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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