I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
