a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
