Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
