You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
