fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
