True but thats because hes a fetus.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
