It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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