I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
porn star boner night. come get it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am one with the molecules
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
