I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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