Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
