i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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