apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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