Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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