someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
