i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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