i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
