You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
