The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
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Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
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Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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