I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
