dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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