ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Randomize
