Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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