Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize