In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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