Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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