I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
