Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
True strength comes from lack of pants
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
