Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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