ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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