I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You need a sexual gate keeper
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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