Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
