Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
