just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
