He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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