My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
