i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
