you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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