I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
