no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
