i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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